BREAKING: cats are vastly superior to dogs


They say that to err is human, to persist in error is diabolical. Today, our editorial team has decided not to persist in error and admit, once and for all, the vast superiority of felines over dogs – as well as any other life form on the planet.

This change of heart was brought after a researchers from the Middle Earth University, with the cooperation of Professor Kat Catson, who works for the Narnia Research Centre with the title of Actual Human Scientist. The astonishing findings of their research leave us questioning our place in the world.

“The good news is, you were not wrong to call dogs your best friends,” Catson said. “You are indeed friends in mediocrity. The most recent studies and scans show that we have fundamentally misunderstood the inner workings of cats’ brains because they are, quite simply, too hard for a regular purrson to grasp. I mean, person. That includes me. I am a person. A human person. This is science.”

The decades-long study, which has only recently reached its conclusion, argues that cats are indeed meant to be the dominant species on the planet; our main role in this natural order is to cater to them, which explains why they have decided to spare us so far. Research is ongoing as to why they still tolerate the existence of dogs, despite their lack of intelligence and general usefulness.

We bow to our feline overlords, and are in the process to rebrand as Cats Today.


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